Jurassic Park IMDB review which will hopefully get past moderation...

An absolutely excellent film. I remember seeing it for the first time when I was quite young. The childlike excitement still blooms when I watch the film to this day. After watching this many, many times as a child, I really wanted to be a palaeontologist and discover dinosaurs. I had dinosaur mania.

Unfortunately, I don't have the brains to do anything requiring the level of consistent academic success to gain a college degree, so my dreams of sifting through various strata and finding prehistoric beasts never came to fruition.

Although not knowledgeable or successful, I do paint pictures. I always have painted throughout my life. I recently re-watched this excellent film and decided to paint something from it. I hope you guys enjoy. Although I'm not off finding new and exciting discoveries for you guys, I am giving you the next best thing - UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL PAINTINGS OF DINOSAURS.

Any further queries, send emails to raptorexpert@gmail.com

Rotten Tomatoes Mad Max 2 review

This film has everything an action movie/dystopian sci-fi fan could want - Cars, wasteland warriors and Mel Gibson before he got very angry at the Jews for unknown reasons. Despite Mr. Gibson's clear newfound love of huffing PCP and trying to start race wars, the Mad Max films are quite untouchable. This film is my personal favourite, partly because of the life lessons I have learned from it. Before I watched this MASTERPIECE, I was a regular person like one of you, but now I am a trained killing machine.

As a younger and more naive individual, I always thought I would die being anally probed to death by aliens, or sick in bed from a computer virus which became sentient and spread to humans, but I never thought I could die in a wasteland that was once earth. This film really opened my eyes. I try to look at it as a documentary about the future and a sort of survival manual.

While you unprepared pigdogs feast on steak, use Twitter and go to work everyday, I am hold up in the "Batchelarium". Its mostly a hut made of scrap metal, but repeat testing has proved it impenetrable. Sure, a few cats had to die to make sure the trip wire and pendulum trap worked, but you'll be eating the cats when the Mad Max future comes, so fret not. Tinned goods are the way forward. My reflexes are catlike, once again from repeat testing using cats (there are a lot of strays in the area I guess).

This film taught me how to become a survivor. A true wastelander. You'll be eating my dust when I drive away with your gasoline someday.

My review of Million Dollar Baby

I just posted this to IMDB, and it is pending approval. I thought it was a no holes barred review fest, and everyone would be posting pisstake ones, but no. The reviews are moderated so I doubt my high octane thrill ride review will make it. So... enjoy!

Million Dollar Baby (2004)

Excellent film, 10 May 2012

It isn't often I give a film 10 out of 10! There isn't an "E" in the film title, so I can't make the second rate joke of "The E must stand for excellent" so I'm thinking of doing "The M must be for magnificence". This film came out in 2004, and even though I consider myself pretty up to date on modern films/films that contain the grizzled bear-like head of Clint Eastwood, I didn't get around to watching it until 2009. I know if there is one thing I like to see in user reviews, it is a little bit of background story. I was at a gig where a load of punk bands were playing, but my girlfriend got too drunk and wanted to go home. We went to hers to watch a film. The bus journey was average, definitely not as good at this film, which is MAGNIFICENT. I wanted to watch the film "Willow" but as it wasn't available for eye-tasting at that exact juncture, we searched for another DVD. We found this film and decided to throw it on. We only saw about ten minutes of it, and then I got a blow job. I saw fleeting moments of the film when my eyes opened as I neared climax. I thought this was supposed to be a sad film, but it got me some suck suck. Definitely recommend. It is clearly a babe magnet. 20/10.

Shit that is somewhat bollocks

OUTCAST.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1396219/

So... Outcast was a film that popped up out of nowhere, unlike my cock after I've had more than three drinks. I don't know exactly where I saw it advertised, but it was a horror website anyway, so I felt compelled to give it the 'aul IMDB look over. Almost immediately I saw the words "Irish" and "Traveller". Word recognition truly is a wondrous thing. I figured even if this film wasn't up to my stupidly high standards, (which I only have with films, not women) I'd get a kick from the badly done Irish accents.Within seconds I was torrenting it, drool streaming from my open mouth and rainbows spraying from my eyes with excitement. After seeing "Snatch" when I was younger, any film that contains scenes with English or Irish travellers is going to be memorable.

I don't know what the general consensus is on this film, but I enjoyed it. Not as a horror movie, but it was entertaining. The inner city youths in the film and their over the top violence could have brought warmth to the most marble of hearts. "Oi, look what I've brought for you, ya mongo cunt" being the stand-out quote of the film. The accents aren't as bad as something like Darby O Gill, which of course I was thankful for. The usual horror violence is there, and the first scene in the film has boobs. I count this as a positive. The action sequences are few and far between, but work well when they pop their softcore gore heads around.

James Cosmo is some sort of traveller wizard in this film. That was probably the best sentence ever. I often wake up from dreams smiling. Dreams where sentences like "James Cosmo is traveller wizard" are read on the news. I like James Cosmo and he plays a semi-interesting character in the seven minutes of screen time he is given.

The effects are kinda gammy, but not bad enough to make this a B movie.

2.5 out of 5. Watch it, don't have high expectations. Enjoy it for what it is - BOOBIES. Note that I probably gave this a lot more because the characters are supposed to be Irish.