Blogs.

Like anyone with a mind and the ability to be critical of everyone but yourself, blogs piss me off.

Wait, wait. Hold up. This guy is complaining about blogs in his blog? Once again, I have proved a worthy candidate for the windowlicker of the year award. I have my tickets for the shortbus ready. There is only one word to describe this huge dent I have made in the cosmos - BLOGCEPTION.

I don't want to read about your problems hipster. I would like to see funny pictures of cats, and pictures of the blog authors being hurt though. Maybe if all blog posts which contain feelings ended with a catastrophe, the world would be a more just place?


Take for instance the blog of a fifteen year old emo girl, or what I think blogs like that look like - "Today was really bleak. My mom totally woke me up at ten. What a fucking wh0re. I went to school - what a fucking conformist, capitalist, mind-rape factory. When I'm old enough I am TOTES fucking dropping out. ZOMG. Oh well, toniteeeeee me and V-Jay are gonna watch episodes of Freaks and Geeks back to back #stoked!"

I don't know if I'm re-reading that and thinking its brilliant because of repressed feelings that I'd like to be a fifteen year old RIOTGRRL, or that I just think I'm hilarious. Either way, I feel I have summed up a whole generation by simply swearing a lot and using bad grammar.

BUT, if we take that blog post and throw in a catastrophe, its certainly more digestible, like a biscuit soaked in tea.

"Today was really bleak. My mom totally woke me up at ten. What a fucking wh0re. I didn't get out of bed, bcoz I a independent ho. I didn't realize I had left the coffee pot on, and a fire started in the kitchen. I was practising by pig squeals for the band and didn't hear the alarm. Lost half my face in a fire. FML. WOE IS ME. #notstoked.

I HATE YOU OTHER BLOGGERS.