The boredom of unemployment breeds creativity

Blinding amounts of wanking and drinking (sometimes related, sometimes unrelated) have gotten old at this stage. My penis feels like a sausage covered in Pritt-Stick due to the stifling heat in my room, thus wanking is uncomfortable. Drinking causes me to be hungover which I'm not in the mood for right now. After hours of aimlessly browsing the internet, and making up back stories for the people that post the lulz, I grow weary and decide to get creative. I will now write a series of children's stories under the Alias of Thomas Sinclair. The stories will revolve around the adventures of "Barry - The Apathetic Panda".

Here is a picture of said Panda. You can clearly see the bemused and somewhat grumpy look on his face. He was forever cursed to wear this face when the Taiwanese child finished the stitching and packed him into the box hurriedly as his foreman rang the bell signalling the end of another payless workday. The look is not grumpy enough to indicate immediate action on the party which angered him, but grumpy enough to pass for extreme apathy. On his adventures, he will meet hundreds (three or four) of characters such as William the safe sex wolf and Mary the women's rights moo cow. Children will not physically be able to turn the pages due to the excitement hitting them full in the imagination, causing them to be in a state of semi-retarded glee. Their small hands will tremble with delight as Barry travels across China meeting non native animals, but fuck it, their kids, they care about the flora and fauna which thrive in China about as much as they care when they piss themselves. Come, kids and adults alike, open your mind and most of all, be delighted. Watch this space.